Sid: My guests in the studio are red hot for the Messiah Doug and Jean Jones. They are teachers from Shiloh Place Ministries Conway, South Carolina. You’re familiar with Shiloh place Ministry of Jack Frost that has been a guest many times on our show. Doug and Jean unfortunately have a lot in common with a lot of the people that are listening to us right now. They were believers, Doug was into his career, and Jean was getting increasingly uncomfortable there was no communication. They both were living their own life they were almost strangers in their own house and she had enough and the only thing she knew was make plans to leave. And of course Doug he doesn’t even have a clue but he thinks it’s her he doesn’t think that it has anything to do with him. And so they start having a little home group and studying about bitterroots and strongholds in their life and all of a sudden the light bulb goes on for Doug and he sees that his father was an alcoholic and used to beat him and was harsh. He had and let me ask you about this Doug you used the term explain what you mean by “You had emotionally divorced yourself from your father,” what do you mean by that?
Doug: I had completely rejected anything that my father stood for. I just made it in my own heart that I would not deal with him in any way he was a nonentity to me although we lived in the same home I would try not to even enter the house when he was there except that he would go to bed and I would come in. I was a sick little boy and not knowing that I sick because I was so angry in trying to punish my father not being around him.
Sid: And you separated that for us which was very helpful for us yesterday and you said “Your sin was not that your father was doing bad things he was doing bad things but it was the judgment of him rather than his sin.” And explain that you have to separate the two.
Doug: Whenever we have someone who wounds us or hurts us 99.9% of the time will find out that hurt people hurt people. And they’re not trying to hurt us because they want to they were raised that way, they have wounds that they don’t know how to deal with them and so they hurt us out of their own emotional instability things from their past. And what God does is allows us to forgive the person for what they do but if we don’t forgive them and we judge them and have bitterness towards them what we’ve done is entered into sin ourselves. And my sin separated me from the loving grace of the Father God and I became a very dysfunctional person. I didn’t think, I didn’t hear, to talk, I didn’t feel anything.
Sid: So in other words because you judged your father and divorced him emotionally you froze your emotions is that a fair statement.
Doug: Right I froze my emotions at a very young age and they did not develop until I was almost 50 years old.
Sid: But I have to tell you something Doug it sounds to simple I mean the light bulb goes on you realize that you made a bigger judgment against your father, you confess your sin. It sounds to me too easy.
Doug: Well you know what it really is easy if you see the light and you make a decision and you find out of how all of these different strongholds are built within yourself then you can go into each of these areas and search and say “God is there anything in me in this area that I need to confess as sin my own life?” But scripture even tells us that we can confess the sins of our forefathers and one of the ways that deep hurts and wounds and strongholds built within us is through generational sins.
Sid: Like what give me some examples.
Doug: Say my father was a womanizer he ran around with a lot of people and so was adultery and perhaps his father and perhaps his father did the same thing and his father did the same thing. And if there’s a sin of immorality had been in the family before you then there’s an iniquity that follows the bloodline to the 3rd and 4th generation. And in some types of sin even to the 10th and the 12th generation. So what we do we confess the sins of our forefathers so that the iniquity or the leaning toward sin in that area of our lives will be taken away and we can deal with our relationship without the iniquity or the leaning on the pressure of what our forefathers had done.
Sid: Jean tell me a bit about the anger that Doug expressed how did he express it at home.
Jean: Well sometimes he would be verbally abusive as I said Doug and I were counselors and we went to a meeting called CASA, which is Citizens Against Spouse Abuse, because we wanted to help those that were in that type of situation.
Sid: Did you realize at the time that you were in that situation?
Jean: No we went because we thought well mostly husbands would abuse wives and they showed us a cycle of physical abuse.
Sid: But it could be the other way around.
Jean: But then verbal abuse is also abuse they showed us a cycle of how someone gets angry and then they’re sorry and their nice for a season and then inside of them this volcano begins to build and then they explode again. And that’s what was happening with us it wasn’t physical but it was verbal. So when we came out of that meeting I said “Doug did you know that you are a verbal abuser?”
Sid: Doug what did you say?
Doug: I said “You’re crazy I’m not a verbal abuser how can you say I’m a verbal abuser and right now I started verbally abusing her” (Laughing).
Doug: That she would accuse me of such a thing I was such a defense for myself that she would say anything that would affect me or come against me I’d explode in her face and not really realizing that I was doing it as a self protection I could not stand someone coming against me because of the insecurity that was built within me because of these strongholds that I had had from childhood.
Sid: So when someone came against you how would you react?
Doug: I’d fight if it was a physical threat I would fight them physically, if it was emotional I learned to use my tongue and I would defeat them verbally. If it was to a point that I thought that I could not win then I would reject them before they could reject me.
Sid: Self protection.
Doug: Self protection I live with…
Sid: We all want to protect ourselves don’t we?
Doug: Yes we do and I had developed all of the means to protect myself and the little world that I had even to the point that I reject you before you can reject me.
Sid: But this was all subconscious and this was as Jean you were explaining it was sort of like stone upon stone to the point where I mean it’s an awful way to live you remember the way it used to be.
Jean: Hmm hm. And we used to talk about well we had to walk around on egg shells I heard a lot of woman say that you know we have to be quiet because Daddy’s mad today so he would ignore us for a couple of days or just be quiet and sit in his chair and then until he wanted his physical needs met and then he’d be lovey dovey and then we knew everything was alright. But walking around on egg shells…
Sid: The dad you’re talking about is your husband though.
Jean: Right the children’s daddy they would have to walk around on eggshells also. So we would learn when he’s angry we’d just keep quiet we knew that we couldn’t say anything.
Sid: But you said on yesterday’s broadcast “But look at the fruit, the bad fruit there’s got to be a root somewhere.” Tell me what some of that bad fruit might be.
Jean: Well there’s the disregard for the consequences of sin or for your actions if you don’t look at what’s going to happen down the road you just begin to do your own thing or addictions or compulsions. And say in my father’s line there was a leaning toward alcoholism out of the 5 children in his family there were 3 that were alcoholics and they were in the grandparent line so there was a generation of alcoholism in my family line. But my father didn’t go in that direction and his children didn’t go in that direction but these are some of the patterns. The dysfunctional family was in our pattern…
Sid: You know I hear that word a lot it seems to me that everyone is dysfunctional to a degree but what do you really mean when you say dysfunctional family?
Jean: It was a new word we learned too but that’s where we were don’t trust, and don’t talk and don’t feel. I was not allow to cry around the children so if I had feelings and I was really hurt I would have to stay up late at night after the children had gone to bed and just cry and pour my heart out to God and say “What am I going to do help me not to hate him and please help me learn how to forgive” and things like that.
Sid: But there’s a better way to live. But if let’s suppose you decide that you want to live that way and your husband did not and Doug did not is there anything that can be done for him?
Jean: Well prayer I prayed with my church and I began to pray and God finally sent someone into our lives to help us.
Doug: But you know though the fact is that if there’s a problem with me she cannot change me God and the Holy Spirit in me can change me.
Sid: In fact the more she tried to change you I bed the more you resisted.
Doug: The more I resisted the only hope we have is that through God we can change ourselves. We can pray that God will send His Holy Spirit to connect with our loved one our husband or wife or who the caregiver may be that has hurt us and wounded us so they will receive help. But don’t wait for them to receive help connect with God and get your own life straightened out.
Sid: So the person that is praying right now “Oh God change my husband.” It probably starts with “God what are you showing me?”
Jean: And there was a lot of spiritual pride in my family and you know Doug could feel that like I’m feeling like “Why doesn’t he get it straight and our family could be just like they should be and why doesn’t he do this and why doesn’t he read his Bible more.”
Sid: If he would just do that everything would be okay.
Jean: Right we’d be a perfect family a perfect Christian family.
Doug: But you don’t get to be perfect by just reading the scriptures.
Jean: But he could feel that coming from me.
Sid: Wait a minute you started something you have to finish that Doug.
Doug: Because the scriptures are very very important but just reading the scriptures alone will not change you you’ve got to allow the Holy Spirit to deal with you with what revelation you receive from the scriptures. Just reading them won’t do it you have to let the Holy Spirit teach you and submit to what He says.
Sid: Okay you found out the Holy Spirit lead you in dreams and circumstances; you found out about this bitterroot judgment that’s where the root came from of your father. You repented of this sin but and you said it’s a process, but what happens now if your wife says something and even though you’ve repented and it triggered something in you what do you do?
Doug: Well if it will trigger but what we’ve learned is that you ask the Holy Spirit to give you a moment a peace between the confrontation and your decision to respond to the confrontation. And God is a gentleman He will give you a moment to think about the decision.
Sid: Excuse me we’re out of time Mishpochah very interesting conversation…© Copyright 2017 sidroth, All rights Reserved. Written For: Sid Roth "It's Supernatural"